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08:56pm 16/08/2014
  Pins and needles signal the reawakening. Reconnection of an ancient, but un-forgotten circuit. Lazarus AND Frankenstein. Static in the transmission, but the machine runs anew.  

(enlighten us)

Prodigal ramblings...   
12:24pm 12/02/2010
  i'm 30. thought i'd be dead by now.

i've lost all my great-grandparents since the big 3 0.
cornerstones of my heritage, lynchpins of families that can no longer speak in words that make any sense.

i have lost some of my most adored friends, unbeknownst reasons, just gone.

when i had thought that at least to *them* i meant something. 'twas all smokescreens and mirrors, though, i guess, for as alone as i feel.

i work a job i hate, surrounded by people who have no idea what it's like to live in the world.

In 2 words? i'm lost.
will i ever be found?

or maybe i just need to go outside and get more fresh air and sunshine?

(enlighten us)

04:14am 05/01/2008
mood: pissed off
So both of my sisters are pissed at me and I really have no idea why. or maybe I do.. Here's the skinny from my perspective.

All I was told was that it was something about my not doing enough to help my grandpa, but i'm the one who fucking lives there and deals with the fact that grandma isn't there and WON'T be there EVER AGAIN; watches football with him when i have no want or desire to do so, makes sure he has clean clothes, stays up with him all hours of the night, and makes sure he's at least eating a couple of times a day! all the while trying to calm him when grief gets to be too much. or when he gets hospital bills for $111 thousand dollars and thinks his life is over and that he has to sell our house. (true story) but they cleaned a little and put up some xmas decor without me. My heroes!

Oh and remember this is on top of my going to graduate school half-time and working the world's most fucked up full-time schedule... 2 afternoon shifts, 2 night shifts, and most of the time one morning shift EVERY week!

I think it really has something to do with Heath being there and unemployed, but he really can't help it the company he worked for went out of business. He was working BY HIMSELF 10-12 hours a day in a dirty, hot kitchen for months. He worked one day, the next was Thanksgiving-- they were supposed to open again on Saturday after Thanksgiving and BOOM! A "for lease" sign is posted in the window and Heath is unemployed! He's putting in apps at different places (that aren't food related as resturants around here are rife with Opiate addicts and he's trying to steer clear of temptation) and is trying to get back into school In the meantime, he cooks for Grandpa every day. He brings me back and forth to work, keeps G-pa company when I'm working, when need be. Drives me an hour and ten minutes away to school and sits in the parking lot for 3 hours whilst I'm being educated and is *still* fighting the good fight when it comes to staying OFF the opiates.

He's not perfect, by any stretch. But who is? Especially in this hole in the world? he tries.

[Someone] seems to be forgetting that she's not doing much of anything right now either but worrying about the absence of a integral part of her life/person in her life. One would think She'd understand that sometimes it gets to be almost too much to bear-- so one can't be as productive as someone might think they should be when dealing with said absence and that you just have to do what you have to do in the meantime... the difference being [HER HUSBAND] is living, breathing, and can call home nearly every day. Sure his situation sucks dirty donkey dick but He'll be home soon. I can't talk to Grandma, Grandpa can't talk to G-ma, Heath can't talk to G-ma-- She won't be home. ever again. but we're trying to continue to live life as best *we* can Oh but BTW there's no "in the meantime" in our version of this narrative. Yes, you guys miss her too, but we live there and she held *us* together.

They seem to be griping about the Heath/no money issue too. I think it's funny coming from [SOMEONE ELSE] whom lived in our uncle's house with a boy who shall remain nameless, who's only aspiration in life seemed to be to dress up in civil war garb every weekend and live with his mom forever. Oh that and to try to scheme and sue JC Penneys out of a million or so-- by sitting on a tack, which supposedly (but didn't!) came out of a pair of pants he was trying on, and puncturing his scrotum with it. a scheme which FAILED by the way. He had a sore, infected nutsack for NOTHING. But did I give her a hard time about HIS failings? NOPE. They borrowed money to go to prom on too. Which SHE paid back when hard times were over just as I will once I'm out of grad school and have a real job.

and also her most recent boyfriend borrowed money from g-pa and took forever to pay it back, if he even has... but that's none of *my* business. So what was her beef with me again? Our burrowing money from Gpa? or is it the fact that Heath can't help me with money issues right now? The aforementioned most recent boyfriend also lives in her house, owes her all sorts of money, and according to her spends all his money unwisely, whilst she takes care of EVERYTHING! Sound familiar? The only difference is she's got a better job than I do and still has a savings! but she's had hard times too. maybe that's why she feels the need to comment on mine? or maybe she's just forgotten about those parts of her life?

Oh and if Grandpa wants to let [Heath's ma and pa] live in his other house and won't take rent money from them, but they're paying their bills unlike other people whom lived there for a gazillion years rent free with grandpa making sure they had lights and water-- that's NOBODY's business but his. He has the right to tell them to leave whenever he so chooses, Heath and I let them talk it all over amongst themselves. We try and stay out of it. and maybe other people should too?

I love these girls, but FUCK they need to reflect on their own lives and experiences before coming down on me for mine, because we've all gone through or are going through a bunch of the same shit-- but somehow Me and Mine are the only one's getting bad mouthed for it.

(enlighten us)

Stolen from egon_kuber   
07:47pm 06/11/2007
  Comment and I'll respond with an honest compliment. Then post this in your journal so I can feed my ego.  

(5 thoughts | enlighten us)

So...READY, SET, brainstew!   
12:33am 19/10/2007
mood: contemplative
It's been about 2 weeks now and it's finally all hitting me. I did my usual thing and was strong whilst the crisis was new and now am irritable and cranky and sad. sad. sad. I'm trying to keep a good face on for my g-pa though.

I was thinking of getting a specific DT tattoo to symbolize the anytime, anywhere doors to the other worlds to help make me feel better. Draz had originally agreed to draw out a sketch for me and seemed jazzed to do so ("honored" he said), but then when I talked to him again about it it seemed like he wasn't into doing it at all and told me to scan the origin image, blow it up, and just use that; so there goes the extra layer of meaning since a tet-mate was going to put pen to paper for me for this permanent marking/cathartic ritual. *sigh* not sure why for the change of mind, but maybe he'll still come through for me? not sure why he sometimes shys from me still... I know he shys from everyone, but with me it seems like two different extremes and no in between. I'm happy things are going well for him in Bomb City, the job, the lady friend, and all the rest and he knows it. I would cause him no harm, ever. I don't want him to think I want to. That's Heath's theory... He won't talk to me because I'm chas and he's draz and he's got another life now. but so do I and I don't begrudge him that and am excited to hear a smile in his voice on occasion now... So why can't he draw my fucking tattoo?

School is getting a little out of hand ATM. I'm in two classes and in one I'm caught up and doing well--the other not so much. Not behind per se, just not as on top of it as I'd like to be. Need to work on a dossier for myself-- including a CV, pick a topic for a bibliographic presentation and do a powerpoint for it *(a bit more difficult than it sounds) and also a topic to write an extensive final paper on. I feel like tearing my hair out when I think of all this, but I'll make it work, I always do.

Heath is trying to help me through this trying time, but he also gets fed up with me and my 'psycho' shit. I think he's not used to anyone trying to lean on him for anything and/or expecting him to be a RESPONSIBLE man. He refuses to acknowledge that I'm a worrier by nature (READ: suffer from GENERALIZED anxiety disorder) so when one thing too many goes wrong I sort of fly into a million pieces and can't gather myself together enough to isolate a day and try and have fun without worrying, to make myself feel better. I just stew and stew and whine and worry until I fix the problem and/or I get it out of my system and/or things get better. He also doesn't get that one with dysthemia with major depressive episodes like me sometimes will just be in a REALLY bad mood with no real provocation-- that sometimes my brain chemistry goes a little haywire and therefore it seems like the world has all sharp edges out to draw blood. That things I could take in stride one day might seem like WWIII to me another day, just depending on my general disposition. Maybe I shouldn't take such offense at the 'crazy' label.. maybe that's truly what I am sometimes?

I know i shouldn't lash out at him so much, but it seems like he has little compassion and never reacts how i think one would any emotional depth would react when I try to talk to him about things that bother me; It always seems like he wants to detract from the importance of the subject at hand and shrugs off things that are killing me. so therefore I blow my stack and am rude and maybe even a little mean to him because I feel that by not taking seriously what is going on with me he is showing how little he cares about chas.land and the happenstance therein.

He even told me yesterday that he thinks I'm a bad person deep down and all the selfless, chas.things I do for people are not genuine because he says I'm really a mean, bitter person. I don't think I am, but I don't pull punches when I think I've been slighted by him.... and therefore he doesn't always get the happy.chas that others are so accustomed to. I mean, y'all have known me for YEARS through good and bad... by varying degrees. do I seem fake or disingenuous to anyone else? He says I give only to get... but if that's the case BOY have I gotten shafted over the years!

Are all males like this in domestic situations? Or am I the one in the wrong here? I think i should read that Mars/Venus book or something... *sigh* The bitch of it being my friends are nearly all boys who love me and think I'm awesome, so not sure what the difference is here. As I hold him to no higher standard than I do anyone else in chas.land.

I'm confused.

(4 thoughts | enlighten us)

RIP Barbara Ann (Bobo) McCormick   
09:47am 07/10/2007
mood: crushed
my g-ma died, it happened early yesterday morning. We had spent the day and night in limbo just going minute by minute as she continued to get worse. They also told us that she had stage 4 cancer of her liver, as well as the cancer in her lung and that she was terminal with internal bleeding. The prognosis was poor and even if she had gotten released that she would be on hospice since there was nothing that could be done. Early in the day she was awake and aware, just struggling to breathe even with a mask and 100% oxygen. We went and talked and joked with her a little and she told us to keep "talking about love. just to keep talking about love. keep the conversation going." They finally had to intubate (sedate and put a tube down her windpipe to force oxygen into her lungs) so she wouldn't have to work so hard to breathe but by that point with no immune system she had so much infection in her blood that her heart began to fail. We were all out in the hallway discussing options on treatment (or non treatment) when they called the code blue, and attempted to bring her back. They did regain a pulse but did come and let us know that it was only a matter of minutes so if we wanted to say our goodbyes this was the time. It was only about 15 minutes before it was all over.

It all took only 2 weeks, she was in the hospital for her wedding anniversary and her birthday. She was in good spirits, and optimistic that she would return home and that she would be able to fight. Not one minute did she look afraid, or angry, or sad. Her fight was very courageous and she remained strong throughout. She will be greatly missed.

The eerie thing was about 2 weeks ago after she woke up after they did the bronchoscopy (scope into the lungs to find out about the condition of them) and told her that she had the lung cancer but that they didn't know the type yet and thought they could treat it with chemo and see what happened, she told my mother and i "well, that went better than i thought... i thought i'd wake up and they'd tell me that i had two weeks to get my shit together, and i thought how in the world am i going to sort thru all that shit at home in two weeks." and low and behold, it's been about two weeks.

I think she knew. and she still wasn't afraid. I only wish I could be that strong. Don't get me wrong, I am in no way glad that she's gone and it happened quickly, but as compared to the struggle she would have had later this is better. Cancer is PAIN and that's not a life you're leading when it gets to the point of hospice, it's just a continuation of your death.

I only wish I could be that strong. We'll miss you, 'mam.

(3 thoughts | enlighten us)

02:44am 30/09/2007
mood: depressed
My grandma (the one with whom i reside) has just been diagnosed with small cell carcinoma of the lungs, extensive stage; which means that it has spread systemically and therefore can't benefit from surgery or radiation. The doctors have started her on chemotherapy, and have vowed to be aggressive with it, but from what I've discovered doing research (damn my info-mongerness!) not many people survive this particular brand of rot.

60% of people die within a year of diagnosis. 75% within two years. and less than 6% are alive after 5.

needless to say i'm pretty fucking bummed out. i mean... this is the woman who took care of me after my dad kicked me out and my mom decided it was for the best. she's put up with a lot of shit from me, and my hoodlum friends, over the years... mostly with a smile. who also nursed her terminally ill sister (she had cancer too) for years, until she died, without a complaint.

i'm worried about how this is all gonna affect my grandpa. he's a tough old dude, but gah! to have your wife of 37 years diagnosed with this shit on your wedding anniversary? and the hell of it is, i'm working full time, going to school part time, and when she comes home someone's gonna have to take care of her-- and he's so unaccustomed to having to be around the house for any period of time. let alone nursing a sick person. *sigh* I may have to stop working and finish up this round of classes(because it's too late to withdraw from the classes this semester) and spend mondo amounts of time at home.

i just hope i can handle this again. when sharon was sick and living with us, i was young and silly and just chose to ignore the implications, but i'm smarter than that now.


i'm sad. and pissed. i mean, she had breast cancer and beat it like a red-headed stepchild (as she'd say) but did that make her realize how fragile life is and how one should take care to do what needs done to stick around? did she stop smoking 5 fucking packs of cigs a day? did she make herself walk around the block and not gain so much weight? did she start eating right and all the rest? NO, NO, NO, and NO.

what does it take to make people see when they're doing themselves and everyone around them great disservices? did she think about grandpa, or maya, or even herself enough to think, "well, let's not go thru THAT again!"

fuck no.

i feel like sobbing and screaming at her all at once.

lo siento for the sad, whiny, self-serving, angry, childish post. but i'm all of the above in equal measure right now.

(2 thoughts | enlighten us)

Argh! That's it!   
05:21pm 03/09/2007
mood: embarrassed
This hick-ish dude with no teeth and no brain just came up to me at work and asked me when i was due! as in, in the baby-way! I know he's a moron and thought he was being nice, but FUCK THAT! He'd better be glad I'm at work and therefore the face of the hotel right now. Else, he'd probably be really fucking sorry.

I'm a former 98lbs (of blind fucking fury...as daddy always said) girlie who now has a bit of a belly, but NOTHING resembling one giving off all the tell-tale signs of MOTHERFUCKING GESTATION for fucks sake! IT may also have something to do with this empire waisted/belted tunic I'm wearing too.. but I just wanted to knock what was left of his teeth out! Who asks someone something like that? Pregnant or not! BTW, I used to wish to gain weight because now at least i have an ass and some boobs.

I'll lose this belly or die trying. That's all there is to it.

Pass the amphetamines! Maybe I'll get over having no teeth from all of the meth, just as long as i'm thin as a fucking bean pole.

(and yes, no worries, that was sarcasm. the part about me getting amped up and losing my pearly whites, anyway)

(2 thoughts | enlighten us)

02:53am 12/08/2007
  I figured I would let you guys know what's been going on in chas.land for the past week or so, since my last post was so grim. I'm sleepy and working so forgive the truncated nature of this entry::

--the boy is back.
--the boy is now seeing a doctor and is on suboxone.
--the boy will have to leave if he goes back to the other shit and/or otherwise resumes jackass-ness.
--the boy will detox from Sub sooner or later.
--things are going really well.
--chas was actually able to pay bills AND have fun this week.
--chas is as close to non-stressed and happy as she's been for a while.
--i, in fact, just knocked on my cranium for lack of any wooden object to rap on so as not to jinx myself for saying the above two things.


(enlighten us)

08:28pm 30/07/2007
  He's gone. For good I think.

Why am I so sad? It's not like he who I thought I dug hasn't been long silenced and buried in bullshit for 3 fucking years anyway.

gah. anyone need a heart? I'm done with mine. I'm giving it away so I don't break it anymore.
Maybe someone else will have better luck with it?

(4 thoughts | enlighten us)

09:29am 24/07/2007
mood: contemplative

wherever i go
i take a little piece of you
i collect
i reject
photographs i took of you

all the towns that i pass through
so many faces
so many places
i have got to have a memory
i have never been there
i have never had you

i can't remember
give me your reminder
i collect
i reject

(now girl..only it's flavor..bow down here)

keychains and snowstorms
the taste of your sweat
the look in your eye
i have been inside you
i know what it feels like
(wet as it is..the whiter the honey)
i collect
i reject

(goodies come in here all day)

give me your reminder
i can't remember
i collect
i reject


(2 thoughts | enlighten us)

Classic Dame Meme   
04:51am 21/07/2007
mood: sleepy

Your Score: Katharine Hepburn

You scored 23% grit, 19% wit, 71% flair, and 4% class!

You are the fabulously quirky and independent woman of character. You go your own way, follow your own drummer, take your own lead. You stand head and shoulders next to your partner, but you are perfectly willing and able to stand alone. Others might be more classically beautiful or conventionally woman-like, but you possess a more fundamental common sense and off-kilter charm, making interesting men fall at your feet. You can pick them up or leave them there as you see fit. You share the screen with the likes of Spencer Tracy and Cary Grant, thinking men who like strong women.

Find out what kind of classic leading man you'd make by taking the Classic Leading Man Test.


(2 thoughts | enlighten us)

I'll throw my own (pity) party...   
03:38pm 06/07/2007
mood: disappointed
I'm fucking unhappy.  That's all there is to it,  Happiness isn't anywhere in my sphere at the current time.  The boy is getting more and more ate up now that he's got a job, something that was supposed to help him get better and help me at the same time.  I'm still paying all the bills, I'm also buying his pills when he's exhausted his paycheck just so he can work to buy pills to work, Fucking stupid, right?  YEP.  I'm working 3rds and 2nds trying to make things work and getting FAT from it all, and nothing is still working out how it should be.  He says I'm mean and I'm never nice to him anymore,  says I'm psycho when I'm doing everything I can to hold it together.  He says he wants help, but since he's broke and can't find it he acts as if I should just resign myself to the fact that I have to be his nursemaid forever.  or until *i* work to find him a way to shake the monkey on his back. 

and maybe I *am* more irritated than normal.  maybe i'm not as smiley and happy go lucky as a chas used to be... but is it any fucking wonder?  I'm getting really fucking down.  and when I try and put my foot down and  say im not his fucking work horse,  that I shouldn't have to work full time, pay all the bills (which he helped make after exhausting my savings), clean, do his fucking laundry (because I'm the girl he refuses to do so), all whilst paying for his Opiates he throws a big-ass baby fit and says that I'm creating my own misery and why can't i just be 'cool' and 'down' like I used to be.  

Well...  shit...

He used to be nice.  He used to value me and his mother.  He used to surprise me, make me laugh and smile. He didn't used to be a shell of a person who'd bite me on the face when I wouldn't buy him codiene cough syrup from the drugstore when his drug dealer was without and he'd already went and signed for some the week before. (true stories)  he didn't used to tell me for 3 fucking weeks in a row that he'd give me back $20 bucks that he talked me outta putting on one of my many cc bills and NOT fucking do so, getting pissed and trying to scare me outta saying anything to anyone about the person he's becoming (he doesn't want anyone looking down on him or something-- so I'm not supposed to talk to anyone about any of this) when I realize he's lied once again.

and the hell of it?  Yesterday was my fucking birthday. and what'd I do? Nada.  Another year of nothing but going backward in life.  I used to have a savings.  I used to be able to go places and do things-- but now I have a mounting stack of bills, a boyfriend with a growing tolerance and a temper that won't quit, and a fucking messy bedroom that I don't have time to clean.   and he calls me psycho over and over.  making the cuckoo noise and making the swirling around the temple motion and pointing at me trying to teach my niece Maya to do the same thing.  If he knew me at all he'd know how much that would hurt me if she'd ever think that of me (she's 2 and still thinks her aunt chas is the coolest.  she's not old enough to see how broken I am.)

 He's gonna see psycho.  Crying and Yelling don't work.  Maybe silence will?  a real Dead calm.  

Happy fucking birthday to me.   

(4 thoughts | enlighten us)

05:16pm 13/05/2007
  I just sat here and read through a lot of my old posts here...  I used to have a lot more to say and a lot of different insights to share;  I'm hoping to try and get back to that a bit by realizing all I've lost by going silent on the world.  

I guess I'm just getting a bit nostaligic.  I miss the way things used to be because I'm in such a stasis as of now of work and sleep and school but nothing of *real* worth that helps my mind to soar to the heights that it used to.  

or maybe I'm just getting old.  who knows. 

(1 thought | enlighten us)

I'm alive...   
03:04am 12/05/2007
mood: awake

I just suck at updating this thing and/or not hermitizing completely and totally.  I'm in grad school still, I'm working graveyard (mostly) at a hotel and I sleep and eat and work, besides going to school.  

I'm at work right now and I've developed an addiction to watching this sad show on A&E on Friday nights...  Intervention.  

Addicted to watching a sad show about Addicts...  how's that for irony? 



(4 thoughts | enlighten us)

At work in the deadhours...   
03:27am 31/03/2007
mood: bouncy
So, It seems as all my comments on the subject are missed or ignored I'm trying the more direct approach....

What the fukk is your new phone #, drazil "I'mgoingtobeanallusivemotherefferandnotdevulgemynewnumbertogirlsnamedchas" starr? 

(enlighten us)

my cellphone got stolen!!   
10:49am 08/06/2006
mood: annoyed

EVERYONE please send me your digits so as to continue to keep in touch with the likes of me!

b_pristine@adelphia.net if you don't want to post it here.

I got a new phone and it's the same number but I need to rebuild my phonebook.

so, draz, cid, anjyl, meesa, melissa, and sarah...

oh shit... cid has no journal anymore.

Could someone have him call me or give me his number, then?

Thanks, all.

Love ya.

(1 thought | enlighten us)

This should have been posted NOV 8. I've been in a hole for a month   
04:03pm 23/12/2005
  So, I am officially unemployed now. I got a call this morning from my sister who said that Allan had asked Laura (*waves* hi laura!) if I "were to be hit by a car or stabbed and was doing [my] thing in heaven what [do] [i] do that [she] couldn't do" and whether she wanted a promotion. This of course made me livid because anyone who knows me knows that I'm a freak when it comes to my work ethic... I'd been giving that place my ass for a little over a year now and he has the audacity to act like I wasn't doing much of anything? When I taught him everything he knows? and for that matter the SAs everything they know? gah!

Furthermore, they were insinuating that all of the student workers are thieves, and that I'm a thief and only Regan and Laura have it in their bodies not to steal. NONE OF US WOULD STEAL, YOU DUMBFUCKS! We never had a problem with theft before this... EVER. So they can paint whatever sort of picture they want to, they can ask our old bosses, but NONE of us were stealing from anywhere.

So, I asked Allan about all of the above-- I asked him about giving Laura my job and about insinuating that we were all theives. He tried to backpedal on the job thing but wouldn't take back what he said about our SAs being theives and/or ME being a thief, so I quit. Up and walked out. I cleaned out my desk earlier in the day because I had an idea that's how the day was going to go and I was gone.

I feel bad because ultimately the students will be the ones who suffer for this. They need help finding resources as their professors are still thinking that we have a REAL FUNCTIONING library and therefore their students will have ample help and references to write REAL papers. *sigh* all I can say to any of you guys that need help, email me and I'll try to do so, or if you want to be real go getters go and complain to the dean about how the library isn't what you need it to be when and if it proves itself to be lacking for you. Maybe it won't, maybe I wasn't doing as much as I thought I was for the place....

Only time will tell, eh?

oh... and Heather and Jamie left with me. They really didn't have to do that, as I told them but it sort of makes me feel a bit better that I wasn't the only one who was through with being treated like crap while going above and beyond for a place that had no respect to give back.


(4 thoughts | enlighten us)

08:40am 05/11/2005
  So, my sister Tonya was in labor yesterday, unexpectedly induced because she had developed a complication known as preeclampsia (or toxemia). Preeclampsia causes high blood pressure (and in more extreme cases seizures) in the mommy which isn't good for baby, so voila! Maya Lynn Marie McCoy is here. 11-4-05

She was born at approx. 5:45pm. I missed delivery even though I wanted to be in there with her by a scant 30 seconds-- they closed the door right as I got there, because I had to work all fucking day even though I should have just abandoned the place. Heather was in there, though. My mom and Jim's grandma since he was on a plane back home at the time.

Maya weighed 5lbs. 4ozs (the same thing Tonya weighed when she was born). She looks like her mommy, little in stature with dark hair and big pretty eyes. She has her daddy's feet though, so Tonya's hoping she'll be a little taller and not quasi-dwarf like she is. :) (she'll kick me for saying that!)

They're going to watch them both for 48 hours in hopes that the effects/symptoms of preeclampsia will dissipate before sending them home.

Scary stuff, but happy stuff.

(1 thought | enlighten us)

Voodoo, Zendik, and Beale Street   
06:52pm 31/10/2005
  Had a pretty kool weekend... Went to the Voodoo Music Experience in Memphis, which was a show to benefit the rebuilding of NOLA, with Heath, Nan, and Gary. It was a pretty impromptu thing-- so I booked a hotel after having looked at hotels.com for about 3.2 seconds and boy was checking in fun at this fucking debacle of an establishment! Count them, 4--1, 2, 3, 4 different rooms before we were put in one with TWO beds, working water, a working television in which we could smoke! :) During this two day sojourn into dixie country, we alternately rocked out, got roped into a prayer circle (yes me in a prayer circle! yikes! and all because Heath asked this jolly Memphis native who was hanging out in front of the venue with all of his other jolly fucking picket sign proclaiming GOD=LOVE holding buddies where to go get cigarettes... and NO he wasn't doing it in jest-- he just thought he might tell him *le bigfucking shrug*), and met a group of hippies that tried to persuade us (Heath and I, hippie material? never!) to join their commune. Got to see and meet these kool guys in The Giraffes, got to see MSI, The New York Dolls, and NIN (again! the 9th of the month and the 31st! yum!) among others.

This katt named Saul Williams played with NIN on a couple of songs. Apparently, he's a modern poet/singer/artist who has a lot to say about human issues. IT was really kool and all, but for some reason I found it hysterical to watch TR sing backup for this spastic dude and keep chanting "where my niggas' at?" over and over to a backdrop of typical NIN musical fare-- lights, smoke, and sound. and the even funnier part? I didn't say anything to anyone about how fucking funny I thought it was and then this morning Heath looks over at me and says "so, did you see Trent saying "Where my niggas' at?" over and over? Did that seem so fucking surreal and hilarious to anyone but me?" hah. I love that we share a brain sometimes... *giggles*

NIN was, all except the fact that proceeds went to NOLA rebuilding, the only reason why I went really... so after having waited all day and drank so many of these yucky robitussin-esque southern comfort slushie deals, because it was either that or Miller Lite (YIK!), they showed me that they were indeed worth the wait. We were only about 20 feet from the stage too. I was scared moshing would break out and spook Rhiannon and Gary (not sure they liked NIN's showing all that much, crazy kids!)

Mind you, Memphis is about 11+ hours away from here by car, depending on how cooperative your bladder is and/or whether or not you can smoke in said mode of transport (we couldn't)-- and I had to work today at noon. So guess who jumped out of a really cramped Honda Civic this morning at about 10am long enough to change clothes, slather on some deodorant, pull my yucky, dirty hair back in a pony tail, and come to work on practically NO sleep only to have to work until 9pm? hah. NO, not Fidel Castro! Me,you Goobers!!

It's approx 7 now... only a little over 2 hours to go. and BOY am I slap happy!

oh, yeah, and Happy Halloween, motherfuckers! :P

(enlighten us)